Car Accidents and Relationship Discussions...It Must Be Monday

As I was driving to my friend Tim's house yesterday I was in a car accident. Thankfully it was a very small incident, it wasn't my fault, and a cop happened to be sitting right there and saw/videotaped the whole thing. Things like this always upset me so of course I cried but honestly I was fine and only minor work will need to be done to the car. I called Tim and told him I would be late and he came and sat with me while the cop took care of all the paperwork and photos. It was nice to have someone with me to keep my mind off what had happened and all the thoughts of everything I'll have to do now.

I must admit that I was pretty nervous about meeting Tim but I have been pleasantly surprised at the way our friendship has been developing. We both seem to be quite comfortable making fun of each other as well as ourselves and the sarcastic nature we seem to share is fantastic and makes for good times. :)

After getting everything squared away with the cop Tim and I headed out to have coffee, which is why I was on my way to meet him in the first place. It was quite an enjoyable time of just getting to know one another better and having a slightly deeper discussion on what God's purpose was in creating us. We talked a lot about loving God, loving others, building relationships with people around us, and how we do that/what that looks like in our lives.

Relationship. It was almost funny that this was the topic Tim brought up because it's the thing I've been struggling with the most since being here. How do I form relationships with these people? What is my role in the relationships that are already formed? What are appropriate and inappropriate ways for me to move forward with building meaningful relationships with people-especially since the group I'm becoming a part of is mostly guys? (all but one of which are at least 2 years, most of them 3-4 years, younger than I am)

I still don't really have an answer to any of those questions except time. All I can really do at this point is continue to make myself available to people in situations I know they are comfortable with. I would love to sit down one-on-one with several of these people but at the same time I don't want them to feel like they have to...uh...I'm overthinking like a typical girl. haha...Right now I'll just try to be part of their lives...I'll go shooting with the guys, to plays and Sunday lunches with the group, and appreciate the small steps forward being made. :)

I haven't felt this way in a long time...rescue me Father...help me remember that you are the Champion of my life and you're never going to let the evil one defeat me

A Beauty To Unveil

I recently bought the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. I have read this book once before but as I've begun round two of reading it I've realized that I've grown so much yet I still feel so far away from the person I long to be....from the woman I long to be.

The most recent chapter I read was called A Beauty to Unveil. "Me? A beauty to unveil?? I wish it were true..." is what immediately went through my head. Hmm...perhaps I still have some work to do on my self-image. :/

As I continued reading I stumbled upon the section below and it made my heart cry out. "Me! I want this to be me! Lord, mold me into the kind of woman they are describing!"

"A woman whose heart is at rest invites others to rest...You find room for your soul. It expands. You can breathe again. You can rest. It is good. That is what it is like to be with a beautiful woman. You are free to be you. It is one of life's greatest gifts...She says to the world, through her invitation to relationship, You are wanted here. We want to know you. Come in. Share yourself. Be enjoyed. Enjoy me as I share myself...A woman who is unveiling her beauty is inviting others to life. She risks being vulnerable: exposing her true heart and inviting others to share theirs. She is not demanding, but she is hopeful."

Satan made quick work of reminding me that I've never really been that woman in the past so how could I ever become her now...but this time I'm fighting back. I will not give in to the doubts and fears. I have learned that I am strong in the Lord. I have no reason to worry or fear what lies ahead.

Since moving out here I have had to basically live outside my comfort zone...no tiny steps out for a while then jumping back in for me. It has been a constant effort to make myself available to people and situations here and quite frankly I've been doing great! (anyone who knows me well knows how difficult stepping out of my comfort zone is for me) My desire now is to go deeper with the people I've met. I want to know them-personally, intimately-and I want them to know me the same way. I want to "unveil my beauty and invite them in." That is my prayer. That I would not hold back any part of me. That I would become open and available to share my heartwith anyone who would like to experience it.

Lord, help me remember that you delight in revealing yourself to those who wholeheartedly seek you. That you want to be known and explored and that I, having been made beautiful and captivating in your image, have something to reveal to the world as well.

Lately

I woke up to the brilliance of the sun shining through my window this morning...it was simply glorious. :) Yesterday was a rainy, windy day. I didn't really mind during the day but for some reason, once the darkness of night had set in the howling wind and pounding rain became an almost frightening thing, especially once Amy had gone to bed. It was such a lonely sound and I felt lonely in the midst of it...

Anyway, those feelings from last night have dissipated and I'm thankful for a new day. I must admit that as soon as the weekdays begin I am ready for the weekend to start. Why?? I am so bored!! Not to mention, I'm alone from the time I wake up until almost 6pm when Amy gets home from work. During the week I crave human interaction...on the weekend I can't seem to get away from human interaction. haha...don't get me wrong, I've actually been loving it.

Last weekend Amy and I had a fairly large group of people over to watch Defiance. It was a great movie but I felt completely emotionally drained at the end. Still, I recommend seeing it. :) On Saturday several of us saw a movie then went out for dinner. After that we made pop bottle bombs. Yeah, we're awesome. :) I actually had a really good time helping put them together and then watching them blow up! They smelled really bad though...On Sunday Amy and I saw a movie on base for free with Tim and Nick. It was a really good movie and the company was quite enjoyable. I really do like smaller group interactions better. Amy and I bummed around the house for a couple hours after that just talking and watching a little of Braveheart. :) Then we headed to the Pier which is her church's young adults group. It was good as well. It has been wonderful to talk with people from this group or just watch their actions and see how much they honestly love God and want to serve Him with their lives. One of the individuals in the group, named Anthony, left yesterday for Kitar. (sp?) We as a group laid hands on him and his fiance Holly and sent them off with our love and prayers upon them. That, in my mind, is what Christian friendship should be about-a willingness to pray for each other and support each other beyond the "normal" perimeters we so often bind ourselves with.

Next weekend Amy and I have been invited to have dessert at the pastor's house from the church we've been attending. There will be other people there that are newer to the church as well. It should be a nice time to meet new people and make a connection with the pastor and his wife. On Saturday we're going to Burlington to shop during the day and in the evening we're getting a group of gals together to see New Moon. Sunday is the big day of the weekend though because after church I, along with several others, am going shooting. I've never even held a gun let along shot one so this should be quite an interesting experience and, since I tend to shy away from experiences that make me nervous or could possibly make me look like an idiot...I'm really nervous! haha...I know it will be fine I just wish I knew what to expect. Oh well...I guess I'll just hang on and enjoy the ride of more new experiences!

Lies, Truth, and Everything In Between

There is a certain joy that fills my heart when I get the privilege of spending an evening with other Christians and when that time spent together is focused on Christ and what He has done in each of our lives. Tonight I went to a family's house from my church who participate in a ministry outreach for individuals living on the island that are involved in the military. It's kind of a home-away-from-home kind of feeling. Warm, intimate, wonderful. :) It began with all of us sitting down and enjoying dinner together. We then sat and talked a little about the ministry overall and then we went around the room and each of us gave a brief testimony of our lives and what has brought us to this point. This time of sharing refreshed me in a sense. I was quite pleased that the other people shared openly and honestly about their lives and hence, I felt completely comfortable to share my own story as well.

Thinking back I can't even recall the last time I was with a group of people and we were all sharing our testimonies. This is something I love doing with people. What better way to get to know a person than by hearing what God has done in and through them throughout their lives?? This was especially meaningful to me tonight because I'm so new and overall I feel like I don't really know anyone. (which I know is how it goes...I just hate feeling that way even though I know relationships take time to build. ) Hearing people's testimonies and talking with them afterwords made me feel...more part of things. More connected. I like that.

As we were all walking to our vehicles one of the guys that was there gave me a hug goodbye and said he was really glad that am here and part of their group. Such a small gesture-such a huge deal to me-and it's not the first time someone from this general grouping of people has shown me acceptance. The new girl-wanted, liked, fitting in. So many fears beginning to melt away as small gestures are starting to make the lies that Satan has been planting in my head since I arrived here disappear. The words "you are not enough. You will never be enough. You will never fit in." have been tossing around in my head for days. It's horrible. It's hard to ignore. It's a weak point for me in general. And to be completely honest it was really starting to bring me down. Thankfully God really is a good, mighty, and loving Father who cares about how we feel and what goes on in our lives. He continually brings these little blessings...a hug from a new friend, a dinner invitation from people I've never met, a plate of cookies and brownies left on my porch by a couple from the church I went to on Sunday, a late-night stroll and conversation with Amy.

So many good things...what reason do I have to doubt that I am loved? That He created me for a specific purpose and He has given me gifts and abilities to accomplish that purpose in His time and according to His will. That no matter how inadequate, frightened, or insecure I may feel, the truth remains-I AM ENOUGH. :)

I'm Here!!!

Well friends I have finally made it! After 5 long days of traveling I have reached my final destination in Oak Harbor, WA!! The journey was a good and BEAUTIFUL one! God granted us constant saftey on the road, great weather, the car worked well, we were able to rest each night, and I got to experience new and breathtaking scenes of God's creative talents displayed all over!!! It was my first time seeing mountains and I often found myself with tears in my eyes as my entire being was overwhelmed with joy. We are such a small piece of all that God has created and he loves us the MOST...what an awesome and humbling thought! :)

During the journey we stopped at interesting places (including a gas station with a sign that said "Baby rattlers inside-enter with caution")! haha! My mom and I had a good time driving to Nebraska and visiting a friend of mine I hadn't seen in a long time. Later, Amy and I were able to share many times of laughter, excitement, personal struggles and fears, and the encouragement that only true friends can bring to one another. What a blessing the whole journey has been! I find myself nervous but also incredibly excited to see what the next part of the journey holds for me! Until next time! :)

So It Begins

Today I said goodbye to the girl who has known me since I was three. We've always been best friends. We always will be best friends. I will miss her terribly. With that final farwell my goodbyes have ended pretty much ended, leaving only my immediate family. My church, my friends, my family, it's all done. Part of me is so glad that it's over and that this chapter of my life is officially closing. Another part finds it painfully bittersweet as I prepare for the crazy whirlwind adventure awaiting me in Washinton. I am ready, but I am also scared. Things are looking good, including the fact that I got a job interview. God is continuing to open doors for me; continuing to show me that this is indeed His will for my life. I'm excited to see Amy again, to meet new people, to jump into new ministry opportunities. Most of all right now I am just excited to be there. I do not look forward to the next 5 days I will spend in the car, though it is a bit of a necessary part of my journey...lol :) I suppose I'm rambling a bit but it's my journal and therefore my right to do so. Ah well...I shall close now anyway and continue to prepare for my journey-mostly by going to bed. 1o hours in the car tomorow...I definitely need my rest.