I don't want to say much. My heart hurts. My soul cries out for comfort and rest in the midst of confusion and pain. I sleep but I find no rest. Dreams haunt me and startle me from my slumber. I find no peace in closing my eyes. I seek joy and a stillness for my weary soul and ask that God "restore to me the joy of my salvation." There is so much to be thankful for, especially this week...Easter...when Jesus died so that I might have life.
Help me God to not be consumed by the evil one and his plots against me. Surround me with your love and the remembrance of your sacrifice. You are my strength and my shield; my heart trust in you, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to you. This is my humble prayer...
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Boundaries
Boys. Girls. Friendship. Relationship. Confusion. Frustration. Joy. Wonderfulness. Exhaustion.
haha...so what you're probably thinking now is "Sara's got boy issues!" and you're right, though probably not in the way you think. There is no "special someone" in my life right now nor the hopes or possibilities for that at the moment. I am however finding myself confused and often frustrated in my friendships with males. There have to be boundaries to keep our hearts pure and prepared for the one God has for us. However, how far must those boundaries go? Are there certain situations where I can step beyond a normal boundary to connect with someone new and learn about them without it appearing that I am interested or pursuing a relationship beyond friendship with them?
A good, recent example is that there are a few new guys coming to the Pier. They've only been there a few times now but they mentioned really wanting Christian fellowship. Amy and I instantly thought "We should invite them to hang out with us and our group of friends sometime." BUT for this to happen we would need to ask them for their phone numbers and that seems like a step beyond the boundaries or a situation where our motives could be brought into question.
So what should we do? Ask for their numbers and hope they know we don't mean anything more by it? Pretend like we never heard them say that and continue hanging out with the friends we have, never really reaching out to them? Wait until one of our guy friends is around and have him get their numbers so he can do the inviting?
The problem with #1 is that I feel like Amy and I have been questioned, or challenged may be a better way of putting it, to make sure our motives are always pure and that what we are doing won't distract ourselves or others from God. Though Amy and I know our motives are pure, will others stray or become concerned because they see it differently? The problem with #2 is that it goes against our nature to not reach out and befriend new people. We just can't do it and it's a terrible way for the Pier to act as a whole. If people want to get more involved we should make sure that can happen for them, not turn them away. The problem with #3 is that, for the most part, our guy friends aren't really around anymore. Several of the guys are gone for one reason or another. Some are away at school. Others are preparing for upcoming deployments and then there are some guys that just haven’t really been around the Pier lately in general and honestly from what I’ve seen, probably wouldn’t be super comfortable in this kind of situation anyway.
So where does this leave us? I feel like both Amy and I have been put in positions of leadership at the Pier, which we love and enjoy, but we feel restricted when it comes to inviting new people we see at church or taking extra steps to reach out to new people that are coming. Why? Because most of those people are male.
For the most part Amy and I have come to the conclusion that we should reach out to people, male and female, and let the chips fall where they may. My apologies in advance if anyone sees our actions as unwise or stepping over boundaries but I refuse to let possible friendships slip by me because that person happens to be of the opposite sex. Even more importantly, I refuse to deny people opportunities to meet and fellowship with other Christians simply because there are no boys present at the time to invite them along. Jesus invited both males and females to hang out and fellowship with him, so why shouldn’t I? :)
*As I reread this I realized it might have come off a little hostile. That’s not the way I meant it. This is just something that has been frustrating me because I just so desperately want to befriend people and make them feel welcome and I hate feeling like I can’t or shouldn’t do that simply because they are guys. I hope that makes sense… :)
haha...so what you're probably thinking now is "Sara's got boy issues!" and you're right, though probably not in the way you think. There is no "special someone" in my life right now nor the hopes or possibilities for that at the moment. I am however finding myself confused and often frustrated in my friendships with males. There have to be boundaries to keep our hearts pure and prepared for the one God has for us. However, how far must those boundaries go? Are there certain situations where I can step beyond a normal boundary to connect with someone new and learn about them without it appearing that I am interested or pursuing a relationship beyond friendship with them?
A good, recent example is that there are a few new guys coming to the Pier. They've only been there a few times now but they mentioned really wanting Christian fellowship. Amy and I instantly thought "We should invite them to hang out with us and our group of friends sometime." BUT for this to happen we would need to ask them for their phone numbers and that seems like a step beyond the boundaries or a situation where our motives could be brought into question.
So what should we do? Ask for their numbers and hope they know we don't mean anything more by it? Pretend like we never heard them say that and continue hanging out with the friends we have, never really reaching out to them? Wait until one of our guy friends is around and have him get their numbers so he can do the inviting?
The problem with #1 is that I feel like Amy and I have been questioned, or challenged may be a better way of putting it, to make sure our motives are always pure and that what we are doing won't distract ourselves or others from God. Though Amy and I know our motives are pure, will others stray or become concerned because they see it differently? The problem with #2 is that it goes against our nature to not reach out and befriend new people. We just can't do it and it's a terrible way for the Pier to act as a whole. If people want to get more involved we should make sure that can happen for them, not turn them away. The problem with #3 is that, for the most part, our guy friends aren't really around anymore. Several of the guys are gone for one reason or another. Some are away at school. Others are preparing for upcoming deployments and then there are some guys that just haven’t really been around the Pier lately in general and honestly from what I’ve seen, probably wouldn’t be super comfortable in this kind of situation anyway.
So where does this leave us? I feel like both Amy and I have been put in positions of leadership at the Pier, which we love and enjoy, but we feel restricted when it comes to inviting new people we see at church or taking extra steps to reach out to new people that are coming. Why? Because most of those people are male.
For the most part Amy and I have come to the conclusion that we should reach out to people, male and female, and let the chips fall where they may. My apologies in advance if anyone sees our actions as unwise or stepping over boundaries but I refuse to let possible friendships slip by me because that person happens to be of the opposite sex. Even more importantly, I refuse to deny people opportunities to meet and fellowship with other Christians simply because there are no boys present at the time to invite them along. Jesus invited both males and females to hang out and fellowship with him, so why shouldn’t I? :)
*As I reread this I realized it might have come off a little hostile. That’s not the way I meant it. This is just something that has been frustrating me because I just so desperately want to befriend people and make them feel welcome and I hate feeling like I can’t or shouldn’t do that simply because they are guys. I hope that makes sense… :)
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Goals
I've been thinking about things in my life that I have been wanting to work on but that I kept coming up with excuses to avoid. Well no more. It's time to step up, face facts, and do the work to accomplish these things. Today I sat down and set up some goals that I would like to reach. Some have specific time periods. Others are simply things I'd like to be consistently working on. I figured to keep myself a little more accountable I would post them here.
1) Spending time in scripture and prayer each day. This is something I have always struggled with and know I need to make a part of my daily life.
2) Exercise/Lose weight. Again, something I've always seemed to struggle with and it's hard for me (embarrassing really) to admit here how desperately I need to work on this. That being said, it's time to take hold of this issue and conquer it. This one might be the most difficult one for me but I know I will be so proud of myself and I'm sure happier and definitely healthier once I reach it.
3) Going along with the previous goal, I want to start eating healthier. No more snacking (or choosing to snack on healthy things like fruit... :) and cutting down on pop and other sinful delights I often allow myself to have. I'm not helping myself or my body by filling it with these things.
4) Find something in the community to be involved in. I would really love to find a choir to be part of or a volunteer-type ministry. I'd really like to reach out to those around me, get to know some different people, and serve Christ. This one may take some time to get started since I don't have a set work schedule yet but I'm excited to start looking into it.
So there it is. That's what I've come up with so far. I would love your support and prayer as I try to reach these goals! :)
1) Spending time in scripture and prayer each day. This is something I have always struggled with and know I need to make a part of my daily life.
2) Exercise/Lose weight. Again, something I've always seemed to struggle with and it's hard for me (embarrassing really) to admit here how desperately I need to work on this. That being said, it's time to take hold of this issue and conquer it. This one might be the most difficult one for me but I know I will be so proud of myself and I'm sure happier and definitely healthier once I reach it.
3) Going along with the previous goal, I want to start eating healthier. No more snacking (or choosing to snack on healthy things like fruit... :) and cutting down on pop and other sinful delights I often allow myself to have. I'm not helping myself or my body by filling it with these things.
4) Find something in the community to be involved in. I would really love to find a choir to be part of or a volunteer-type ministry. I'd really like to reach out to those around me, get to know some different people, and serve Christ. This one may take some time to get started since I don't have a set work schedule yet but I'm excited to start looking into it.
So there it is. That's what I've come up with so far. I would love your support and prayer as I try to reach these goals! :)
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Crazy Love
To even try and summarize all that has happened in my life would be overwhelming at this point. Life, as usual, has been a constant stream of ups and downs that are challenging me to confront various issues in my life and ultimately bring me closer to God.
To be quite frank all of this has frightened me as I've come to many realizations about myself and about my relationship with God. The most rattling one being that I don't know how to accept God's love. I know that I love Him and desire to serve Him with all I am but when it comes to accepting love and joy from him I feel so unworthy and I've realized that I am so filled with lies that I keep an arms length away from it. Scary. If I can't truly accept God's love how can I accept love from others? At first, these thoughts sent me spiraling and I thought I was doomed. Too screwed up to try and figure things out with God now. Thankfully I have really amazing people in my life that don't allow me to entertain those types of thoughts for long.
After seeking wise counsel from others and from scripture and prayer I am feeling better but I know I have a long road ahead of me. I've been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and it's pretty amazing stuff. Stuff I need to hear and apply to my life. Stuff that is hard but true and good.
Chan writes, "This is the God we serve, the God who knew us before He made us. The God who promises to remain with us and rescue us. The God who loves us and longs for us to love Him back...The greatest knowledge we can ever have is knowing God treasures us. That really is amazing beyond description. The holy Creator sees you as His 'glorious inheritance'...God wants us to trust Him with abandon. He wants to show us how He works and cares for us. He wants to be our refuge."
My prayer is that these become truths in my life. Not just things I know but things I am able to understand and accept with all that is within me. There is a song by Spur58 called "Restore Unto Me" which says...
"Restore unto me the joy of who You are. Restore unto me the joy of who You are. You are my God. You are my life. I find myself in You. You are my God. You are my life. I find myself in You. In You."
May this be the cry of my heart...
To be quite frank all of this has frightened me as I've come to many realizations about myself and about my relationship with God. The most rattling one being that I don't know how to accept God's love. I know that I love Him and desire to serve Him with all I am but when it comes to accepting love and joy from him I feel so unworthy and I've realized that I am so filled with lies that I keep an arms length away from it. Scary. If I can't truly accept God's love how can I accept love from others? At first, these thoughts sent me spiraling and I thought I was doomed. Too screwed up to try and figure things out with God now. Thankfully I have really amazing people in my life that don't allow me to entertain those types of thoughts for long.
After seeking wise counsel from others and from scripture and prayer I am feeling better but I know I have a long road ahead of me. I've been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and it's pretty amazing stuff. Stuff I need to hear and apply to my life. Stuff that is hard but true and good.
Chan writes, "This is the God we serve, the God who knew us before He made us. The God who promises to remain with us and rescue us. The God who loves us and longs for us to love Him back...The greatest knowledge we can ever have is knowing God treasures us. That really is amazing beyond description. The holy Creator sees you as His 'glorious inheritance'...God wants us to trust Him with abandon. He wants to show us how He works and cares for us. He wants to be our refuge."
My prayer is that these become truths in my life. Not just things I know but things I am able to understand and accept with all that is within me. There is a song by Spur58 called "Restore Unto Me" which says...
"Restore unto me the joy of who You are. Restore unto me the joy of who You are. You are my God. You are my life. I find myself in You. You are my God. You are my life. I find myself in You. In You."
May this be the cry of my heart...
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
It's Tim's Birthday!!
Today was my first day of orientation for my new job and all went well! But that's a story for another day.
The most important thing about today is that it is Tim's birthday! I just got home from a lovely party where I hope he felt loved, appreciated, and deeply cared about. Many of his friends and family were there to celebrate the big 2-1...haha :) We ate...a lot...watched as a pinata was mutilated by a little girl, stood around a lovely campfire, watched Tim open his various gifts, and played the Wii (of course!) There were many hugs and so many people whose company I enjoy that it would have been impossible for me to have a bad time. God really has placed some amazing people here in Oak Harbor and I'm so glad He's allowing me to get to know them better.
So Timothy, for the year ahead, I wish you peace and joy, unexpected adventure, and a crazy love that goes even farther beyond what you know, coming straight from the One who made you into being. We're all so thankful for you! I love you my friend and brother! :)
The most important thing about today is that it is Tim's birthday! I just got home from a lovely party where I hope he felt loved, appreciated, and deeply cared about. Many of his friends and family were there to celebrate the big 2-1...haha :) We ate...a lot...watched as a pinata was mutilated by a little girl, stood around a lovely campfire, watched Tim open his various gifts, and played the Wii (of course!) There were many hugs and so many people whose company I enjoy that it would have been impossible for me to have a bad time. God really has placed some amazing people here in Oak Harbor and I'm so glad He's allowing me to get to know them better.
So Timothy, for the year ahead, I wish you peace and joy, unexpected adventure, and a crazy love that goes even farther beyond what you know, coming straight from the One who made you into being. We're all so thankful for you! I love you my friend and brother! :)
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