Thursday, January 28, 2010

Substance

I want relationships with substance, depth, honesty. In days long past I found no difficulty in forming relationships with people that had these things. Here, now, at this stage of life I find it a constant struggle. My personality is one which yearns for, and almost feels incomplete without, deep, personal relationships. Yes, I have friends and they are wonderful BUT beyond the basic surface level conversational pieces I feel like I know nothing about them. I couldn't tell you what's really going on in their lives and what's begun to bother me more is that I have no idea how to encourage or pray for them. How am I, as your friend and sister in Christ supposed to lift you up if I don't really know you?

At Bethel forming close relationships happened quickly. We were all new to the college scene and we bonded immediately through this shared season of life we were all entering into. I'm pretty sure it wasn't more than a week before we had all begun pouring our hearts out to one another. I realize that college life is much different than "real world" life. In college we were all together, all the time. Even when we all had jobs they were on campus and we saw each other throughout the day, at dinner, or during late-night walks around the ponds.

Now I am in this new season of life. Everyone has separate jobs. We all live away from each other. There are limited options of places to go or things to do. Personal conversations don't happen in group settings. That's ok. I've adjusted to that fact. Still, I wish there were opportunities for me to talk to and get to know people better.

The problem I'm running into is that I have no idea how to make this happen. Part of the difficulty is that several people that I've come to care about and wish to know better are males and although I wouldn't mind more personal conversation I fear that they would. Also, many of my friends are in the Navy and will be deployed or finishing up their time even within the next month or so. This puts a major time crunch on the whole thing and I don't know if any of them care to go deeper when they know they're leaving. I just know I wouldn't mind it. There are some ladies here I would also like to get to know better. I admit I feel like it would be simpler to know the ladies, it's just a matter of all of us making the time and getting together.

So, are relationships with substance a possibility or just wishful thinking on my part? Can I ask you to join me for coffee or a relaxing walk with the understanding that the conversation may go beyond surface level? (and I feel I should clarify, I don't want to sit down with people and have this awkward "Tell me your deepest secrets" conversation. I just want to be able to go deeper naturally without feeling like we're all stopping it from getting too personal.)

So that's what's been on my heart and mind lately. I want to know you. I want to be able to encourage and lift you up. I want you to know that you can be honest with me and that I care enough about you to listen to what's going on in your life. To me, friendship, any relationship really, needs to be more than surface level, but if that's all you are able to give me, then I'll take it and I'll love you for what you are able to share.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

ESFJ-The Caregiver

So I took one of those personality type tests awhile back and this was my result! What do you think? Right or wrong? For more on my personality or yours you can visit http://www.personalitypage.com/high-level.html

The Caregiver

As an ESFJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.

ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves.

The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them.

ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.

With Extraverted Feeling dominating their personality, ESFJs are focused on reading other people. They have a strong need to be liked, and to be in control. They are extremely good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they're with at the moment.

All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function demands structure and organization, and seeks closure. ESFJs are most comfortable with structured environments. They're not likely to enjoy having to do things which involve abstract, theoretical concepts, or impersonal analysis. They do enjoy creating order and structure, and are very good at tasks which require these kinds of skills. ESFJs should be careful about controlling people in their lives who do not wish to be controlled.

ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family.

ESFJs as Friends

Although the ESFJ usually puts their family in front of their friends, they do place a lot of importance on their close friendships, and feel tremendous loyalty towards their friends. Since they feel tremendous pressure in their lives to constantly "do their duty", they may sometimes turn their friendships into another task or responsibility. Usually, however, they get a lot of enjoyment from their friendships, and give back a lot of affirming warmth.

There are a couple of ESFJ tendencies which may cause problems with their casual and intimate friendships: 1) they don't give things freely - they expect something in return, and 2) they have a difficult time believing anything bad about someone close to them.

ESFJs are valued by others for their genuine interest in people, and for their warmth and kind-heartedness. They have a special skill at seeing the best in others, and making people feel good about themselves. As such, they usually have a relatively large number of very close friends, usually of all different personality types.

ESFJs are likely to have well-furnished, orderly and attractive homes. They are usually excellents hosts and hostesses, and enjoy throwing parties and having a good time. They like to feel as if they belong to traditions and institutions, and are likely to have a relatively large group of people which they include in their social circles.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

There Ya Go!

Today Matt, Amy, and I went to Seattle to go to the IKEA store and buy an armour for Amy and I's room. Hmm..I suppose I haven't mentioned why Amy and I will be sharing a room yet. Basically Matt's daughter Mandy is supposed to be coming out to live with us. Things are complicated and not yet definite so I'll just have to keep ya'll posted about that one as the details get worked out!

Anyway, back to my story! On the way out of Oak Harbor we stopped at a gas station. Matt offered to get us something to eat and/or drink so we all started walking toward the station. We noticed that there were two vehicles with very nicely dressed people in them. "How fun!" we thought...just then a nicely dressed young man walked out of the station and Amy holds her hand out and says, "There ya go Sara!" The young man's eyebrows went up and I gasped and stared at Amy with wide-eyed wonder that she would say something so bluntly right in front of a person! We get into the station and Amy wants to know what I'm so upset about so I explained that I didn't appreciate her proclaiming that I might be interested in someone, especially right in front of him! She gasps and finally explains that she was talking about a "help wanted" sign in the window! Unfortunately Matt and I, and I'm afraid this young man as well, all thought she was talking about something very different! haha!

There will never be a dull moment in my life with Amy around... :)

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I thought there was a lot I wanted to say but I'll sum it all up with this...I don't understand most things happening in my life right now. Despite my best efforts to avoid it, I'm really angry about most of those things. I feel alone and like no one gets where I'm coming from. I feel like a selfish jerk for the above-mentioned things. The end.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Life has kind of turned upside-down in our household lately. It's not really bad stuff...overwhelming, unexpected at this time...but not bad. It's more of a family issue but because I live here it has quickly become my issue as well. I'm struggling with how to handle it exactly. I'm finding myself to be selfish in most of my thoughts. Nervous and unsure in the rest. I'm trying to remember to be still and rest upon God's peace. My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He knows the situation better than any of us and will give us the wisdom we need to deal with any issues that arise along the way.

God, make me strong.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Be Still

I am filled with the overwhelming peace of the Holy Spirit tonight. Amy and I just spent a couple hours sitting on the couch talking about our lives and the various joys and struggles alike we are both dealing with. We also talked about our friends and our hopes, fears, and prayers for them. Then we took time to pray together for the various things we discussed. It was so good.

I am so thankful that God has given us a friendship that allows our hearts to connect and understand the core of the other person. We never have to hold back or guard ourselves from the other. I truly believe everyone should have at least one person that they can be that way with. I love times when I can sit with friends and talk honestly about what's going on-not just the "Hey, how are you?" conversations but the "What's really going on? How can I pray for you and truly encourage you right now?" conversations. Sometimes I feel like those conversations are few and far between anymore. I know God will provide opportunities for such discussions in time though. I have no doubt about that. In the meantime I feel like God is desiring me to be more still in his presence. To trust and rely on him more fully. To quiet my heart and my mind so that I am ready for his words to be spoken and so he may pour himself into me.

The song below is one of my favorites at the moment. You should go to YouTube and listen to it. :)

The More I Seek You-Kari Jobe

The more I seek you,
The more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI_1YliutzA

Sunday, January 10, 2010

This, That, and Other Ramblings

Life can be really hard. Sorry if I scared anyone with that last post. Sometimes ya just need to get stuff out. Posting about it helped a little. Taking it to God helped a whole lot more. Thanks to those that were praying for me. I know you're out there. :)

Some friends took me and Amy to a special spot at Fort Ebey yesterday. It was magnificent. At first everything was covered by fog but the longer we waited the more the fog lifted revealing waters of the Puget Sound, a rocky beach below us, and in the distance...mountains. Gorgeous. Breathtaking. Overwhelming. Awesome. Amazing. There aren't enough words to express the joy that filled my soul as I sat overlooking these sites that God has created. I pray that I never lose that sense of awe I feel when I look at the beauty surrounding me here.

Let's see, what else is new...I've been feeling very lightheaded off and on the past couple days. I just feel a little weird overall...like my body is about to wage war against me...It wouldn't be the first time. Hopefully it will be kind to me this time.

Amy is making me pancakes right now. I love her. I love living with her. I'm really thankful for her friendship and I like laughing with her a lot. Ok, ok...I like laughing with anyone a lot. :)

I'm having a really good hair day. I thought this was an important fact of my life that everyone should know. ;)

Tonight: The Pier! It will be good to see everyone again and have some fellowship time. I'm quite looking forward to it.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Not-So-Simple Facts

The job search has me feeling discouraged and frustrated.

I feel very alone most days. I have decided that it is one of the worst feelings in the world.

I miss a lot of people from my life in Indiana and the support those relationships always provided for me.

Old habits are hard to break. I fear that great disappointment in myself is coming.

I'm frightened.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Temporary Home

It’s been awhile since I wrote a real post. I hope you’ve thoroughly enjoyed my recent stories though! It seems like my life is either incredibly dull or much, much too exciting. Oh well…perhaps someday I’ll find a nice healthy balance of both. :)

The big news as of late is that someone has actually contacted me about a possible job. A few months ago I signed up to a website that helps hook families up with nannies. The site offers other opportunities to work with special needs, housesit, tutor, etc. I signed up to find either families who needed a nanny or families who needed assistance with special needs individuals. A couple days ago a lady sent me a message telling me that she is interested and would like to meet me. As exciting as it is to (finally) be contacted by someone I am having many mixed emotions. The job isn’t really consistent. Basically it’s a family wanting assistance while the husband is traveling for Navy responsibilities. Although these responsibilities take him out of town fairly often there is no way for me to know exactly how much I’ll actually get to work each month. The pay would be good but would it be enough to cover the various bills and loans I have to pay each month?

The uncertainties leave me with several thoughts and questions. If offered it am I supposed to take this job? Should I wait and see what else God might have for me? My current financial situation makes me feel like I would be crazy not to take the job if offered. At the same time I’ve been working on putting all my trust and faith in God and the fact that He will provide things for me in His timing so perhaps I should wait??

First and foremost I want to be following God’s will for my life-even if that means remaining in the waiting stage of the job hunt for a little bit longer.

It is comforting to remember that "This is my temporary home. It's not where I belong. Windows and rooms that I'm passing through. This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going. I'm not afraid because I know this is my temporary home."

I would greatly appreciate your support and prayers as I continue on this crazy journey! :)

Friday, January 1, 2010

The Smell

There is never a dull moment in our lives...haha!

One fine day there was a girl named Sara who had great expectations for the day, especially since it was New Year's Eve! As she descended the stairs she noticed a foul smell. The girl gave the smell little thought and headed out for a morning stroll at Ala Spit. (A local spot...very pretty. :) When she returned from her walk the girl entered the house and was bombarded by the foul smell once again. "Where is that smell coming from" she asked another girl, Mandy, in the house. No definitive answer could be given so Sara went about her business and began frantically cleaning the house for the New Year's Eve party she and her friend Amy had planned for that evening.

As the day progressed the strange smell became worse and worse until Matt, the owner of the home brought up the smell and asked if Sara knew what it was. While discussing the matter they both remembered a conversation Sara had had with a neighbor a few weeks previous about rats in the area. Sara also remembered that she and Amy had heard strange sounds coming from the fireplace. Coincidence? I think not! New Year's Eve is no time to go rat hunting so Matt promised to check into things the next day.

When Sara awoke in the morning she hoped and prayed the smell would magically be gone but to her great dismay the smell was not only still there but worse than the day before! Matt went under the house and found the spot where rats could get in yet found no real evidence of any rats down there. Sara, Amy, and Mandy were all disappointed that the source of the smell could still not be found.

The inhabitants of the house decided to go out for the evening and when they returned the smell was simply unbearable and they all began sniffing around the house trying to pinpoint the exact spot it was coming from. Finally, Matt closely investigated the fireplace and there it was! A dead rat that had broken into two pieces and that quickly filled the house with horrid, stomach-churning smells. Matt made quick work of removing the rat from the house and used bleach to clean the area and help with the smell. Oh how the women of the house rejoiced!!

With the opening of her eyes and the greeting of a new day Sara, and her housemates, will have the comfort of knowing that the air they breath is fresh and clean once again!

The End.

"The Puzzle"

The real life tale of two women and their adventures. :)

Today, on the 19th day of December, in the year 2009 we found ourselves shipwrecked! Things looked grim for a moment...stranded as the darkness of night descended. Then, using out keen, womanly intellect...we called a man. Lo and behold! (Enter hero) Stephen the Brave vows to face the great unknown and rescue fair maidens!

Meanwhile, damsels now in no distress at all, and having way too much fun, enter Don's Pharmacy to prepare for the long night ahead with Amy's visiting Aunt Flo. While wandering aimlessly many trinkets, sights, and smells greeted our senses. Our favorite items can only be truly understood when experienced. However, every man should smell like the candles we bought and Sara can hardly wait for the day when her old lady face will bring joy and laughter to the world like the one on the card she found. After enjoying a lovely Mexican dinner, they took a not-so-moonlight stroll. Within a few short steps two dark figures emerged from the shadows and made their way closer towards us. Because our hero had not yet arrived, we made our way towards the warmth and light of the ferry station rather than moving closer to the sinister figures of the night.

Good books and Achmed the Dead Terrorist entertained us until Stephen the Brave arrived in his faithful chariot. He was greeted with smiles, hugs, and much rejoicing. The three journeyed onward through twisting roads, heavy fog, treacherous ferries, outrageous pop machines, and Amy's inability to text.

Finally at days end our friends welcomed us home and we said goodbye to our dear friend Justin, who's off to an adventure of his own. As fair maidens laid their heads upon their pillows they gave a contented sigh as they reflected on the unexpected joys of a "quick trip" to Port Townsend for yes, you guess it, a puzzle.

The End.

Written By: Sara Burris and Amy Malmkar

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*Coming Soon To A Blog Near You*

"The Smell"