After 4 months of waiting (mostly impatiently I'll admit) God has finally opened up the door for me to start working! I will be working for an organization called Visiting Nurse Home Care. They work with elderly and disabled individuals in their homes, much like my job in Indiana. I don't have many details yet but I have orientation next Tuesday so I will try to fill in the gaps after that!
I could hardly believe it when I received the call last Thursday for an interview with the company. The reason this was all so unbelievable was the timing of the call.
Just the night before God and I had one, in a series of many difficult discussions, about where I tend to place my trust and how that affects the rest of my life. To my surprise the words "I'm so afraid to put all my trust in you" came out of my mouth. I've realized in recent months that it is difficult for me to put all my trust in God but I hadn't realized that even the idea of it scared me. As I continued to talk this through with him I came to the conclusion that I too often place God on the same level as everyone else in my life, including many who have shown me I can't trust them or really depend on them. Deep down, I've been assuming and expecting God to do the same if I handed everything over to him. What an earth-shattering realization.
These thoughts spiraled me into so many questions about my relationship with God and what this meant for me as a Christian. It was so difficult to realize I've been pushing away the ONLY one I can trust with EVERYTHING. I have wonderful friends who I know care for me and are here for me but there are some things that only God can handle and I must refocus my eyes and heart on Him. As I asked his forgiveness for my foolish thoughts and actions I felt a great release. "Peace and joy can be yours when you rest in me" is the message I felt being spoken to my heart along with a resounding promise of "I will never leave you or forsake and I love you."
For awhile at least, I expect that I will daily have to remind myself where my trust belongs but I believe in time, it will become more natural. God has provided so much for me in the midst of searching for a full time job, including small jobs here and there to provide for my basic needs. I am so thankful as I look back and see all he has done.
I need you Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am save
Capture me with grace
I will follow you.